Sadella

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Information

  • What is my age:
  • I am 44
  • My figure type:
  • Quite thin
  • What is my favourite drink:
  • I prefer to drink lager

About

I'd like to apologize in advance for this being so long. There's just a lot of background information that I think is important because I feel like some parts of my story are unique; I've been doing a lot of internet research, and I've haven't found someone in a similar position. The core problem is that I feel like we don't have sex very often and it makes me feel bad.

Description

My husband and I have been married for 30 years and have a mostly happy, friendly, and supportive relationship.

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His interest in sexual relations declined after our children were born and came to a full stop five years ago. I have asked him to go to therapy with me on multiple occasions over the past five years.

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He considered it several times but always declined, stating he just had no interest in a physical relationship. After several attempts at negotiation and suggestions to attend therapy, I have reed myself to the fact that he has zero interest in sex, and even less interest in talking about it.

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Celibacy is not my choice and I miss that portion of our relationship, along with the intimacy, greatly. So I am at a crossro: End my celibate marriage even though we are very good friends, parents, and partners? Seek a supplemental relationship?

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Or sacrifice my own sexuality? You may also feel rejected, angry, and helpless, especially because you seem to have no explanation for why this is going on. First, because sex is such a sensitive topic for most people, it will help—at least initially—to focus on the broader dynamic between you and your husband.

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You, of course, are feeling grossly neglected. Sometimes, too, a specific change lessens desire—like an emotional issue related to pregnancy or parenthood. There are also causes of sexless marriages that have nothing to do with sex drive having a porn addiction, secretly preferring a partner of another gender, having an affair but not wanting to leave the marriage.

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Whatever the reason, your husband is probably carrying a heavy burden—and in his own way, he probably feels as alone in his pain as you do. So back to the broader issue, which is something you can talk to him about. When doing so, try approaching him from a place of curiosity rather than blame.

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I just want you to know that I miss feeling close to you, and not just physically. It will be because he shut you out emotionally.

What happens if you stop having sex?

Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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